Friday, March 24, 2006

Thus Spake the Pussy Fanboy

Hi all! I have awoken bleary-eyed from sobbing into my pillow all night over the Zags' loss to UCLA. What happened? I hoped it was some horrible nightmare, but the Zags have reached the end of the road. Alack, alas.

Now, I haven't written on the blog for awhile because I've been really wrapped up in the tourney stuff, plus I'm doing some aggressive outlining for the novel-in-progress. Yes, you heard right... OUTLINING. I've gone over to the dark side! But I think it's really helping me get conflicts straight in my head, stakes for each scene, and obstacles for each character.

Anyway, I was just wondering what to write about, and this morning I got this blog comment to which I feel compelled to respond. This was fun! I love writing prompts.

This comment was in reference to some entry or another I wrote about Adam Morrison of the Zags, still, yes still, the #1 college player in the country. (Do you know I am a "fanboy"? Oh, but read on, it gets more and more fun! Huzzah! This brought me right out of my dark mood from last night's loss.) Here goes... the commenter's questions are in italics; my replies are in plain text:

Who is saying that Morrison is the best forward since Bird?
That would be CBS Sportsline, Brown Daily Herald, Detroit News, The Missoulian, and here's this reported by Slate:
"Larry Bird, baby!" croaked CBS color man Bill Raftery rapturously. "It felt like guarding Larry Bird," agreed Oklahoma State's Marcus Dove.
I dunno, look around. I'm not gonna copy and paste every single link for you. Hint: Google is your friend.

But I read elsewhere that Adam doesn't like these comparisons, either, so I'll stop. Sorry, Adam. Mea culpa.

That is an absolute joke! Talk about an exxateration.
Dictionary.com. Also your friend.

After losing last night, he flopped to the floor in a childish display of crying and pouting that I could only expect from my two year old nephew. What a pussy!
Oh, you're one of THOSE. "Real men don't cry. " "Beer bong taste good." "Cheetos--food group!" "Wall make good toilet if bathroom door locked." I see...

Never have I seen such unsportsman-like conduct.
Really? Never? You haven't watched much soccer, I guess.

Furthermore, since Adam Morrison is a communist, he is a piece of $h1+.
Hm. Interesting theory. I KNEW there was a reason Che Guevara never made it big in basketball!

Seriously, I don't think Adam has ever claimed to be a communist, only that he's read Marx. Reading the ingredients on a box of cereal doesn't make me into a bowl of GoLean Crunch.

He will suck in the NBA, because he will not be able to play with men. He is a little boy, who is never going to be a winner. To be a winner, one must first learn to accept defeat.
Hm, again. Seems to be Adam has a pretty clear history of accepting and managing his difficulties. Type 1 Diabetes is a bear, to put it mildly. I know this firsthand, dearie. It requires continual monitoring, decisions on the fly, 100% commitment, 24/7. Kind of like... basketball?

Morrison does not have the guts to accept losing, therfore will never be a winner.
Oops, you repeated yourself. And Dictionary.com is your friend. Dang, now I repeated myself.

Oh, and do you know what a comma splice is? Sounds dirty, but it's easily fixed with a semicolon. They didn't teach you much at... that school, now, did they?

And he is not the best forward since Larry Bird.
SIGH... You've repeated yourself again.

For crying out loud, have some respect for larry Bird, one of the game's all-time greatest. To compare Adam Morrison to Larry Bird, is nothing more than fanboy jibberish.
Hee, hee... I am a girl, last time I checked. I find it really flattering, though, that I apparently can talk basketball like a boy! (Or maybe just "jibberish"? Let's say it together... Dictionary.com is...)

Actually, this is where you and the 'Stache agree.

And... watch your comma usage. This link is useful. I'm pretty sure Strunk wasn't a Communist, if you're concerned. I'm not sure about E.B. White, but Wilbur the Pig was pink, through and through. And I think Templeton was a Fascist.

Why don't you get on your knees for the Adam Morrison BJ that you wish to give him?
Hm, he's too young for me, besides which, I'm happily married, thanks. But I do think it's hot when men cry. Very, very hot. You know, we ladies like a little emotional displays from time to time. Flowers are nice too... and clean toilets. Jewelry, always a winner... but skip fragrances, please, unless you REALLY know what you're doing. Oh, and a cup of hot coffee, brought to us in bed on those bleary-eyed mornings? VERY nice. I'm giving you all these hints for free. Put them to good use with your honey, OK? I want the credit, though.

Oh, and I always went for the intellectual type, from way back in college. The lefty intellectual type. HOT. No campus Republicans for me. Not a single, bingle one.

Signed Bradley fan
Oh... this explains a lot. Condolences... would you like some aspirin for your hangover? But sorry, I won't kneel down and give you a blowjob. Maybe if you pick up some nice Friedrich Engels, or George Bernard Shaw, or hell, Barbara Ehrenreich--now that would be HOT--and page through it as violins play in the background and you sob for your team whose season, like the Zags, like Duke's... is now over.

Oh, but you did manage your own little "childish display of crying and pouting." Very good start. Now head to your local library!