Saturday, April 09, 2005

New Digs, a Properly Shrunken Head, and THE BOOK!!!

Firstly and very excitingly~come visit me at my new digs! is finally up and running! Yahoo, ye haw, so on so forth, BLAH BLAH! It is not totally finished~there are some more things that are going to be added, but it's mostly all there.

When you're there, you can sign up for my newsletter and find out more about me and the book and juicy tidbits etc! So, please do bookmark and plan to come back~

And don't forget to sign up for the BookBitch giveaway~YOU COULD WIN A FREE COPY OF THE BITCH POSSE! That's like someone coming by and just SHOWERING DOLLAR BILLS ONTO YOUR HEAD, so what are you waiting for?! Book cover should be a link if I did it right~

On Friday, an hour sped by as I yammered away at the shrink, explaining all the latest neuroses. Half the time I think I'm just shooting the shit with him since he's a super-literary kinda guy. I sometimes wonder if he's doing market research because I am pretty sure he's writing a novel himself. He even has a book club! They read good stuff too, The Kite-Runner by Khaled Hosseini, Blindness by Jose Saramango...

So, being the SELF-OBSESSED NEUROTIC FREAK that I am, I began to wonder (NOT ALOUD, I'M NOT *THAT* FUCKED UP, NOT *YET*) if there was any chance he might recommend MY book. {BLUSH BLUSH, now you know how solipsistic I truly am~this is why I love my shrink sessions, because we can spend an hour on MY FAVORITE TOPIC~ME ME ME ME~} But Gawd, what would he possibly say?

"Yeah, guys, this one's Hot with a capital H. It was written by one of my nutters, AHEM, I mean, PATIENTS~it's up for the Henry Miller Literary Award~"

Ah... maybe not. Honestly, though, he's been VERY helpful to me. I owe him a lot and I'm not just referring to my healthcare deductible. And I do plan to give him a signed book. (Although I'm going to make him PROMISE not to psychoanalyze it!)

ANY-HOO, at the end of the session I asked for his honest opinion. "So where am I on the crazy scale?" I said. And I watched to see whether he was fumbling for the keys to That Place.

"Oh", he said. "Considering the circumstances, I'd say you're doing just great."

Man, did I feel terrific!

Until I closed the door to his office, and walked down the stairs. Then it hit me.


And so, my brain spiraled into WORRY AND PANIC once again.

I sighed and got into the car. When I got home there was a package on the table. Containing THE VERY FIRST COPY I HAVE EVER SEEN OF THE BOOK. *MY* BOOK. THE ONE I WROTE.

It's really beautiful. When I saw it, I simultaneously wanted to cry, throw up in nervousness, and hide under the bed. They did this checkerboard thing on the spine that I really wasn't sure about when it was pitched to me, but it's stunning. I also got some promotional stuff they made for the book~everything's so pretty. Then I looked outside and THE WORLD was really pretty, the sky was so blue and clear, the wisteria were so purple and wondrous, the air was Marin County crisp and fantastic, and I was struck by a sudden sense of calmness~that everything was going to be all right.

Then I remembered something I had read and like the Dorkzilla that I am, I looked it up:

...Feeling one with nature in terms of appreciating the beauty and the world around, and believing that things have special significance.
DAGNABIT ALL, I can't win...

To make matters worse I read on and found MORE that worried me:
...can be experienced as 'seeing things in a new light'; 'seeing things vividly and with crystal clarity'; finding one's senses are heightened; and feeling quite capable of writing the 'great Australian novel'.
WHEW~! I breathed a sigh of relief at that last bit! Cos if I ever come to believe I'm quite capable of writing THE GREAT AUSTRALIAN NOVEL (seeing as how I've never even BEEN TO AUSTRALIA), I'll know I've gone off the deep end. She's holding steady, ladies and gentlemen~

Still, perhaps I'll inquire about moving in with the shrink~If I offered to send his novel to my agent, he probably wouldn't mind.

XoXo to all~I'll be in and out this coming week, as the kiddies have Spring Break. (I need it!)