Depressing

The devastation of this flood just hit me today, after several solid hours of spraying muddy/crappy sludge from ruined toys (which I don't care about~they can be replaced), books (which I don't care about, even the first signed editions), and old writings of mine and my husband's (like from high school and college~I care a bit about them, just for archival purposes~and many of mine are quite embarrassing~if there's a blacklist for certain publications, I'm on it for submitting such garbage... in those cases the flood may have been a blessing).

But the children's artwork~I care deeply about that. The artwork, most of it, just disintegrated when touched. We may be able to save 2-4 pieces per kid, per school year, by drying it and photocopying it. It is so sad picking up a beautiful valentine that says "I love you Mommy," and seeing it fall to pieces. Wet, tiny pieces, halfway digested by river mud and sewer seepage. You can't even tape them together. They're just gone.

It is just so fucking depressing. People have been generous and kind, and until now I haven't really burst into tears about it all (but some of my neighbors/friends have), but the kids' artwork--that's what really got me.

And I feel sure I won't be getting back to my writing until sometime in March. This stuff is just.. endless. Mud after mud after mud after...

I fucking hate this.