Monday, December 12, 2005

An Epitaph for a Microwave

Here lies the ten year old KitchenAid.
Inside it a fiery baked potato was made.
Perhaps it was killed by the powder from the fire extinguisher,
Perhaps it was the baking soda I used to make it cleaner.
Alas! Poor dead microwave.
Now there's no way to make the popcorn which we crave.
Our dear microwave served us well for many years,
but its fiery wrath has caused us far too many tears.
I swear that my poem didn't kill it. It really was the potato fire. Yes, the microwave is gone. Dead. Kaput. Deceased. R.I.P. Every time you turn it on, sparks fly out of it. Not. Good.

Worse, it's part of a built-in microwave/oven combo, so it's not like we can just shell out $99 for a new one. SIGH.

Do you read Joshilyn Jackson's blog? You should. She's hysterical. Recently she had a crazy nightmare about her sure-to-be-brilliant forthcoming novel, Between, Georgia. I think Joss accidentally got the wrong dream, because I know for a fact I GOT A DREAM THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERS. (I know this dream wasn't meant for me, because it was too good and it wasn't even ABOUT me. In my own dreams, I'm doing things like crawling out of a slime pit, or scrubbing endless countertops, or searching Grand Central station for a tiny slip of paper that says... something SO DAMNED important for my novel.)

You know that magazine InStyle? Well, in my dream, THE COVER STORY was about the gorgeous, stylish, trend-setting JOSHILYN JACKSON and her new novel! The article led how with pretty and glamorous Joshilyn is--and it ended with a sort of "plus, as a bonus, she's brilliant too!" kind of a riff.

Why can't I ever dream stuff like that about ME?

Hey, I'm getting that This Blog Makes My Butt Look Big feeling again. I just received a clipping sent to me from my British publisher from a publication called The Lincolnshire Echo. A guy named Dan Sharp writes a column called Web Wise and guess whose site and blog got profiled as an "interesting and useful website"? *Blush* If you can look past all the cellulite, maybe! *More blushing* Seriously, though, thank you, Dan.

Aside from the microwave fire and its subsequent death, too many good things are happening to me. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, but maybe the sacrifice of the fiery baked potato in the microwave is continuing to do its good. Here's further evidence from Debra Hamel at (Top ten, baby!) I lerv Debra, too. One of her picks, A Son Called Gabriel, was one of my favorite books this year, also!)

What other household appliances can I destroy?

Oh, before I forget, JA Konrath has a cootie catcher which protects him from all versions of Internet tagging. (Not fair, crime writers always have the coolest accessories.) So I am going to tag Kerri with the Top Ten Reading secrets, instead. You're it, Kerri!